Carrie Underwood shocked the Internet with a great change in life

I ABSOLUTELY LOVE that the coaches picked MY Buckeyes No. 2 with that Texas game just 25 days out

Do I know anything about the new Ohio State quarterback? Absolutely not.

But I want him going into that first game — Noon kickoff; Fox – on Labor Day weekend with all the pressure on Texas to prove they’re the No. 1 team. I want MY Buckeyes with that chip on their shoulder. I want them to be told by yet another SEC team that they can’t win the big game at home.

I want MY COACH Ryan Day — all he had to do was win a national championship and all the hard feelings were put aside — to feel like his fellow coaches don’t believe he can run it back.

I want Arch Manning to feel every ounce of the pressure that’s about to be loaded onto his shoulders. I want NFL teams — the Browns? — leaking news about how they’re going to tank for that No. 1 pick.

I want Arch thinking about those long, dark winters in Cleveland and how grandpa will have to threaten the Browns and the NFL that they will never get their hands on his grandson.

If the WNBA understood viral marketing, they’d lean into the dildo toss

— David W. has a smart suggestion:

Is the ‘dildo toss’ akin to the hat toss (hat trick) in hockey?

Kinsey:

As others have suggested, if someone made a rainbow flag dildo, the WNBA would be in a real pickle.

One of the Johnson City gang leaders issues his resignation

— Galen D., one of the Screencaps greats, makes a big announcement:

Lotta life changes since I last checked in with you. The last weekend of June was my Johnson City (TN) Science Hill High School 50th Reunion and it was epic. We had over 100 of us classmates get together (not including “and ones”) on Friday and Saturday nights and it could not have gone more smoothly. Lots of smiles, laughs, and a few tears…especially at the Memory Table. Sadly, we have lost 66 classmates, roughly 20% of our class. I guess that is to be expected after 50 years, but it really hits when you see it as a presentation. Lets you know that life is precious and to enjoy it and do good each and every day.

Now for a shocker…I would like to officially resign as the “Leader of the Johnson City Gang.” I can no longer fulfill my duties as I have moved. Yes, as the entire United States seems to be moving to the free state of Tennessee, I have left. The June 9th article in Southern Living says, “Johnson City, TN is the southern city that everyone is moving to in 2025.” Joe, as you know, when they zig…we zag!!

I have retired from teaching/coaching after 30 years (2014), I sold my rental properties, and, sorry TNMLers, sold my Lawn Care business.

Now I am completely retired and living in Sunset Beach, NC! No high rise condos, no T shirt shops, no Goofy Golf, just a white sandy beach and dunes…perfect for a retired dude! The median age of SBNC is 64 so I raised that a couple of ticks.

My lawn is a postage stamp and I am happy with that at this stage in life. Traded in my SCAG and all of my lawn care equipment for an Ego walk behind mower, weedeater, and blower. NEVER did I think you would pry a gas-operated SCAG from my cold dead hands, but it has been done (and I highly recommend all of the Ego line for a small yard #notsponsored). But, you will NEVER find a robot mower on my property!

In closing, thank you Joe for helping to bring sanity to a readership that knew what was going on in our America was not right. We truly are the “silent majority,” but we should not be silent anymore! We just will not protest, burn, loot, etc when others disagree with us or tell us a dude with a dong can win Women’s athletic events!

Should I start a Brunswick Isles/Sunset Beach Gang? Lotta Red State down here south of Wilmington, NC!!

Kinsey:

Galen, thank you for your service to the Johnson City gang. From what I remember, you’ve helped more people move to JCTN than move out. Now it’s their time to enjoy that part of the country.

Now go find us new content along those beaches. I’m not sure if we have anyone in Wilmington sending in reports, so this will be new territory for the column.

Keep in touch.

I talked Chad off the cliff over roofball being shown on ESPN

— Chad in Louisville is much calmer this morning after Monday Screencaps:

Hey Joe thanks for the perspective, much better than another DEI hire yapping on ESPN, AGREED. Here’s to the back end of Summer, hoping the Reds make the playoffs, and those hot August patio nights, cheers!

Kinsey:

Love to hear it, Chad. And OUR REDS went out and did the unthinkable and got that series-opening win at Wrigley after Lodolo goes down with a finger blister.

This team just might be .500 or better by the middle of the month. This is starting to feel REAL.

50 is different — re: Pop culture icons turning 50

— Kevin R. tells me:

Just a reminder Joe, age is just a number. It’s how you live your life and who you hang out with. Take a look at Saturday SC rundown. Tara Reid 50, next picture Torrie Wilson 50.

Both had procedures. Both have had work done. But how do you live your life and what you do outside makes a huge difference.

Kinsey:

Explain that last sentence. I’m lost.

Imagine if your children were the first blonde white people North Koreans had ever seen in their lives

— Marty in Hailey, ID believes that’s what happened to his family back in the early 2000s:

We were living in Singapore in 2004 so took the kids to Beijing for a week in March at school spring break. That time of year there were virtually no Caucasians there other than us. Early on we were in Tiananmen Square when an Asian tourist held up his camera in the universal “take our picture” pose.

Happy to oblige, I move to take his camera but he’s like “no, no” and herds our blonde kids into his picture. He takes a snap, then different tourists move in. Rinse and repeat. It was amazing. This went on for the entire week there all over the Beijing area probably 50 times.

Our guide explained to us that those first tourists were from North Korea and likely had never seen Caucasians before and certainly not blonde ones. Our kids were hounded like rock stars for the entire week there so we just gave up and went with the flow.

Is this the perfect tomato?

— Mike T. in Idaho makes a major declaration. He’s calling this the perfect tomato:

We have a small garden, three raised beds and 7 large pots where we grow vegetables and fruits. Every year we try and grow what we call the perfect Tomato. The last several years we have been happy with the large variety ” Better Beef” the fruit is delicious and the tomatoes are easy to grow.

We eat a lot of tomatoes in the summer, both large and cherry tomatoes plain, and in different dishes but this bad boy was so delicious looking, he’s only getting salt and pepper!

Delicious!